Happy Hooker's Guide To Sex by Xaviera Hollander

Author:Xaviera Hollander
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2011-01-17T16:00:00+00:00

POSITIONS & TRICKS

32

ON TOUCHING—FIND HER RESILIENT EDGE OF RESISTANCE

I highly recommend the reading of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century, by Barbara Carrellas, as it is rich with information on all aspects of sexuality, from defining the relationship between your chakras and your sex drive, to providing sexual rituals and breathing techniques, to dispelling the most common myths of BDSM, to showing you how to make sexual magic! Her book makes most discussions of sexuality look positively one-dimensional.

I often wondered how I could describe in words, to my readers, how to touch one another, especially the first time around, when reading her face is all you can do because the opportunities for discussion are yet to come. I’ve had novices ask me, but putting in words the lessons surrounding the sense of touch is not an easy task. If you are lying in bed next to your partner, she can take your hand, put it where it feels good to her and even control the fingers, emulating for you what she would do. “Showing” I can do and have done and will continue to do, but “telling” is a bit tougher. So when I read what Barbara had to say about the “Resilient Edge of Resistance,” I thought, “Bravo—she nailed it!”

From Urban Tantra: “When you touch the body, you want to touch deeply enough that the body pushes back just a little. If a muscle becomes rigid under your touch, you’ve gone too far. If the muscle feels flaccid, you haven’t gone far enough. Sex that is too soft is vapid; sex that is too hard is assault. We want to learn to dance on the Resilient Edge of Resistance because that’s where the real pleasure is. When we reach that level of pleasure, gateways open to even more profound discoveries and connections.”

Touching is a matter of feedback—touch first, read her reaction, adjust, touch, read her reaction, adjust—don’t forget tip #7 for your “reaction input,” and do it frequently. Ask yourself if you are someone who is capable of dancing with a woman at her Resilient Edge of Resistance or do you just kind of plow through the act of sex without incorporating the feedback signals she is giving you? For great lovers, touching is a feedback circle. Touch, measure the satisfaction she is getting—if none, try another way, if some, try a little more... great lovers never stop measuring their own success in bed—and they measure it by their partners’ reactions.

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